Let’s talk about the silent crisis nobody’s addressing: The Flat Arse Epidemic (aka TFAE). It’s spreading faster than gluten intolerance, and it’s hitting men and women over 40 hard.
Somewhere between “I’ll just stretch today” and “these jeans used to fit,” our butts collectively packed up and left.
Men blame gravity. Women blame hormones.But should we maybe blame the… chairs?We’ve been sitting on our dreams (and glutes) for decades. Working from home? Sitting. Netflix? Sitting. Dinner with friends? Sitting.At this point, our asses are just decorative cushions we carry for balance, barely.
And we dress them wrong.Women, listen: if your behind has retired early, a Brazilian string is your friend. It lifts, distracts, and creates the illusion of “something still happening.”Men, the same applies — bloody hell, ditch the briefs!Because when a flat arse meets a tight brief, that line cuts each half of your already divided hope in half again.It’s geometry and somehow fascination. People can’t look away — they’re not admiring, they’re investigating what the hell happened.
Do you remember the scene from SATC when Samantha has a good time with a very much older men until she saw him walking naked to the bathroom? This is what I am writing about here.
I am running to the gym now to work on my glutes, one cheek at a time.
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